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I know. You know think oh that's a typical thing girls do. But I mean it!
I am sick of everyne using me to become happier. That's not how my life is determined to be. I don't know what my life is determined for but I will make the best out of it. From now on.
Where will I start? Usual things? little things I dunno!
1. Loose weight. 12 kg
2. be friendlier
3. keep a healthy distance to people
4. be myself
5. Don't overthink evreything
1. A typical things girls want. Summer is calling and I know I won't loose that much til tomorrow but if I work hard for it I might eventually be succesful. and that's my goal. I don't want to reach a certain number. I want to get to the point where I can buy whatever shirt I want without thinking about how tight it is.
I want to be comfortable in my body and show this happiness to everyone!
2. Not friendlier in terms of helping more. But even smiling is a kind of friendliness... and that's what I want to do. Smile to everyone. Show them that they're happy.
3. Don't be touched my too many people. Not everything they tell me I have to take personal and solve the problems for them. They can do it too. Of course I'll support them but not be too close anymore!
4. be myself. Show everyone who I am. Not be ashamed of big boobs or strong legs. Don't be ashamed of my personality. That's just who I am. And people either you love me or you hate me. I don't care anymore. I know the people that love me will be there for me!
5. I won't analyze everything anymore That's just stupid! I'll just live the moment. And the choices I make might be destiny.
Let's get this personality change started! I'll look into a bright nd happy future!
You should too!
Today I for the first time thought: Wow what is that? You were sitting next to me. Smelling the way you usually do. But something was different. We talked as usual. Laughed as usual. But looking into your pretty brown eyes was warming me up from the inside. There was a kind of prickle in my tummy. But what is that?
We have been friends quite long. You let me sit on your lap like it was the most normal thing in the world. We would drink together and keep an eye on each other. Nothing ever happened! But now... You touched me more often than usual. Your hand on my shoulder. your hand on my eg. your head on mine. our foreheads leaning against each others. you talking to me. It was new. Something special? Me listening to your music. Usually not a big deal but today my heart made a skip. Your secret looks at me. I noticed s´´them. No one else did but me. Strange I thought. It has never been that way before. But does that even mean something? You were there for me when I was at my worse and now...we are hanging out tomorrow..Might be an awesome day. But hopefully it won't be awkward.
On tghe other hand this can all not be right. I saw the guy from Saturday coming out of his garage this morning when driving to school. I smiled. I was happy to know him and all the sudden I thought back to saturday night. Something great had happened between us. We moved up to a whole new level. What kind of level I don't know. I just know that we agreed on staying friends. Nothing will change. We will stay friends... Talk like we used to. And the others will whisper as always. But now I'll think: If you would know what happened between us.
oh and then there is my ex..Talking to my mom when he can be there to drink a cup of coffee. And I have to be gone. I'd like to punch him in the face! This is my family! Not his and I don't care how broken his family is. We're done. so why can't he just be a nice guy who I once loved and that will stay in my memory but not appear at MY house all the time!